I'd say a couple things really stood out to me about all our thoughts on friendship: friends are usually determined by our life circumstances, and are thus indicative of out past; second, some friends stick around and some don't.
I also happen to be on a week long break from school right now. I am visiting my parents who live in the same city they did when I was born. This visit had new perspective because I already know where I'm starting my career, and it is four hours away from my home town. I think I asked about friendship because it is something I think about a lot and it is currently on my mind because all my friends and I are in such transitory times of our lives that our future friendships are a mystery.
But our lives are always transitory. Homes are moved, families are adjusted, and our interests are shifting. The result on our friendships is that different spheres are created. These are my elementary school friends, my high school friends, my church friends, neighborhood friends, college friends from the dorm, college friends w/ the same major, college friends from organizations, summer friends, and on and on.
So clearly friendships are often created by the convenience of our life circumstances. Sometimes what you have in common is a passion for sports or helping children or something. Sometimes what you have in common is your situation. You are all in the same classes or live in the same dorm or whatever. Is one more likely to last than the other?
For about 7 years, I've had a website where I posted my theories about life and my thoughts. It wasn't always awesome, but it was something I spent a lot of time and effort creating. To this day, I have some friends who will always read these things, and some who never have. During high school, many of my girl friends were dancers who talked about dance all the time. I went to their shows and learned their lingo. But none of them made it to any of my basketball games. I'm not saying I'm always the best friend I could be, but this experience has shaped my thoughts on why friendships last.
I know some friendships fizzle out because lack of common interest, but I think what makes friendships stick around is the effort you put into appreciating each others passions. I'm kind of obsessed with staying friends with people. I will actually call my friends from elementary school (class of 24 people who were together 8 years) at least a couple times a year to catch up and I always plan some kind of get together for when we are all in town. I text, message, and call my high school friends who are now spread all over the country doing all kinds of different things (some married, some in school, some working, some with kids). I've gone to visit many of them at their current universities and always get together with them when I am on breaks. And with my college friends, I try to be the person that means it when I say "we should get together!".
But even with my obsession with keeping these relationships going, I would only consider a handful of these people my lifelong friends. The people I am still friends with see friendships with the same perspective that I do. I was coaching a high school basketball team last year and two of my friends from high school came to watch the game and support me as I coached. Last year I was unable to drive for 6 months because of health problems. I had two friends who gave me rides regularly and one really good friend who just complained whenever I asked for a ride.
I think friendships often last because the people involved have the same ideas about what it means to be friends and how you should treat people. And I don't just mean you're both nice people and try to help others out. I mean you have the same friendship worldview. For me and my lifelong friends, that means giving honest attention to each others passions and actively communicating despite distance.
This is my current theory on friendships that last. It's a work in progress. When I look at my friendships that have continued to last, common interest versus common circumstance does not seem to be a determining factor, so something else must be the root cause.
At the end of the day, I don't think there is anything wrong with thinking back on old friendships with a nostalgic reminder of what that time in your life felt like and how those relationships, although fleeting, contributed to who you are and where you are going. Really, friendships are like books, a good one will leave you feeling fulfilled, teach you something, or give you a new perspective. A great book, however, can be read again and again. Sometimes you find something new in the reread, and sometimes it just brings you the comfort of familiarity. Regardless, they are worth the read.
With that super cheesy analogy I leave you.
Happy Thursday!
Elise
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